Posted by: mountainmomma18 | June 17, 2009

Gotcha Moms

I have this friend who used to be cool, then she had a kid and now she has joined the ranks of that rabid group I call the Gotcha Moms. Gotcha Moms seem normal at first, they may even at one time have been your friend, or maybe you are related to them. They will draw you in slowly, making small talk about the weather or the price of diapers. This lulls you into a false sensibility that you are engaging in casual conversation with another mom. Then the question comes: “So what is buggy doing now?” This seems an innocuous enough question, but the Gotcha mom isn’t just making idle conversation, she is waiting to pounce. Whatever you may say, “Oh she’s crawling/walking/doing my taxes” the Gotcha mom has a comeback, “Oh my little was doing that way earlier/has been doing that for months/walked out of the womb doing that.” You have just been gotten, had by the Gotcha mom. The Gotcha mom asks these questions so that she can brag how much more advanced her kid is then yours, and while these moms are annoying I am sure with school age children, it is absolutely maddening with infants and toddlers because the stakes are so very low. I mean really who gives a shit when your kid learns to say momma, as long as it’s before they are three? But it seems that the moms of the 21rst century want to start this competitiveness early, and often.

I know that every mom says that she does not care about milestones and most of the time people inwardly roll their eyes as they watch mom start sign language lessons on a six week old. Why is this? I think because we have all bought into the hype about how to give our children the best start, to give them that competitive edge sometimes even before they emerge into the world. Someone once told me to play classical music when I was pregnant because it would help make the bug smarter in the womb. I called bullshit and besides the music that really got her going was always reggae, and sometimes jazz, but only Miles Davis. But we buy into it because we really do want to do what is best for our children. But at some point it has gone too far. Gotcha moms are the end result of this media blitz.

Completely annoyed and done in by Gotcha moms I had devised some wonderful comebacks. Now when some Gotcha mom asks me what the bug is doing I tell them she is into quantum physics now, or working on her perpetual motion machine. Or my favorite, she’s discovered the equation for wormholes.

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Responses

  1. Excellent responses 😀

    I hate when they do that! That’s so obnoxious. How pathetic do you have to be to use your child to compete with other parents? Or to want to compete at all, in the first place?


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