Posted by: mountainmomma18 | July 4, 2009

The Sister-in-law Saga Part II: Like Hemingway but with more swearing……uh, well it’s just like Hemingway cause there are crazy people.

So owing to the fact that the vast majority of my family is bat shit crazy, they are really open minded and accepting. I mean if everyone is living outside the pale, you really are in no position to judge. Which means that everyone who comes to the family is welcomed and quickly becomes part of the family, forever, regardless of divorce or anything else that may come along. I grew up with a cousin that I did not know what not a blood relation until I was a teenager. His mother had married my uncle (mom’s brother- and don’t get too confused because my mom has six siblings, yes we are a good ole Irish Catholic family) when he was 16 months old. He was brought to be bosom of the family so to speak and no one ever thought another thing about it. Even when his mother divorced my uncle he was still a cousin, a nephew and a grandson. So when we found out about Ashley’s son from a previous relationship no one really thought much about it, a girl with a kid was not a deal breaker, my mom was happy to have another grandchild. But the fact that Ashley did not have custody of her child raised a few red flags. My brother and she were also living just short of eviction because she was not working and he does not make a lot of money and is also paying child support to his old girlfriend (baby mama)


Ok, you got that so far? I know I should totally draw you a ven diagram, but to be honest I am an English professor so I do not even really know what exactly a ven diagram is, although it sounds a lot like math and I totally do not do math, dude I even have a computer thing that figures out my grades for me, because even simple percentages are over my head….me and my PhD.


So anyway back to the new pregnancy, we are all, well a kid is always a blessing, but how in the hell is this going to work? And also none of us wanted to say it out loud (well out loud to my brother, we totally talked about it all the time to each other when he was not in the building) was that we wondered if this pregnancy was even real because all of this was happening so very fast and, well how do I say this somewhat nicely, Ashley seemed off, like off her meds. Then a few weeks later I received a call from my mom that my brother had called and Ashley had had a miscarriage. I fell pretty bad about thinking she was a nut-job, but then also started to wonder if she had ever been pregnant as no one had gone with her to the hospital, not even my brother. Now I know at this point you probably think I am a horrible person, but you will have to color the rest of my family, including my husband with the same brush because we were all thinking the same thing, and we would soon be proven right, because less than 4 week after Ashley announced her miscarriage, she said once again that she was pregnant. We all gave each other the side eye because it is pretty must physically impossible to know that you are pregnant less than 4 week after a miscarriage, I mean she hardly had time to ovulate. And before you go thinking I am a heartless bitch, don’t worry, this pregnancy didn’t last long either, I don’t mean to say that she went back into the hospital, but instead that it was never mentioned again. This had all gone down by Sept. 1rst and when I called the beginning of Oct. to wish my brother happy birthday and check on how things were going he said that Ashley was going to the doctor that week to take a pregnancy test. “But I thought she has been pregnant since Aug.?” I asked confused. “Oh, well she is going this week,” was the only reply that I got. Then over Thanksgiving Ashley mentioned finding out she was pregnant at the end of Oct. and I was all, “But I thought you were already pregnant,” and she was all “Oh, uh no I made a mistake. “ And now you know who they are talking about when that commercial says that 1 in 4 women cannot read a pregnancy test. At this point I told the husband that I was not buying into any pregnancy until I saw a damn baby. Well I guess this last one took because my niece was born last month and she is very beautiful, and we all hope she will not inherit her mom’s crazy, cause my brother finally told me in strict confidence and with the aid of some tequila that she never had a miscarriage, but she did think she was pregnant when they got married. I guess this girl either has problems peeing on a stick or reading the stick once you pee on it. Although I am not sure how that happens, I mean it’s not that hard.


And least you leave thinking that I am some horrible judgmental cow I have been totally getting along with her because, well she is my brother’s wife, my sister-in-law and I am hoping I can lure her over the normal side of life, especially since she has, as she told me last week, finally got back on her meds.

Well I think I will leave my crazy family alone for awhile, but I am working on a post for tomorrow about some crazy people I found online (yeah I know there are crazy people on the internet?) most specifically some guy who wants to swear off women and instead use sex bots and artificial wombs. True story.



  1. I would have wondered about the miscarriage too, seeing as it was immediately precipitated by a quick marriage. I’m just suspicious that way. Congratulations on the new niece, though!

    I just go to work to find the crazy people…one of my coworkers cannot work through her (myriad, varied) problems without endless discussion. So this week I got to hear how her son (who’s 27, a virgin, and will probably never leave home) caught her preparing to have cybersex with some guy she knew in high school and has reconnected with on Facebook. Talk about TMI…

  2. Holy crap! yeah for some reason people always feel the need to overshare with me as well. I mean I have a nice face and all, but sometimes I do not want to know!

  3. I laughed the whole way through this. I have seen a similar drama unfold in front of my eyes.

  4. […] sister in law, the one married to my brother, the one who made up two pregnancies? You remember, that one. Anyway, it’s not like I hate her or anything, I just think she’s a loon, but she is often […]

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