Posted by: mountainmomma18 | July 12, 2009

I think my dermatologist is a 14 year old boy.

So this actually happened back in April, but since I have another appointment with my dermatologist this week I was reminded of it. I first went to the dermatologist for something that totally has some name, but I can’t pronounce or remember it so I call it my boobne- which is my clever way of saying that I had like acne on my boobs. Now all the women out there know that you do not mess around the girls, whenever something untoward happens in that region we tend to get to the doc tut sweet.  My acknowledgment that I had boobne happened to coincide with my annual with my ob/gyn, so I showed the nurse practitioner who gave me a referral to the dermatologist. She wasn’t concerned, so neither was I. I made an appointment and took the girls to go get checked. When I described the problem to the nurse she gave me a paper top and told me to put the open part in front, makes sense I thought, so I did what I was bade and started playing some games on my phone. But surprisingly the doctor was right in, and more surprisingly he was a guy, I thought he was going to be a she. And then of course the most surprising of all, he was young. I don’t mean young like Doogie Howser, I mean young like my age- you know early thirties, which is young for a doctor, so don’t go thinking I’m old and shit.

So he’s looking over my chart and asking me questions and finally says “Ok, let’s take a look.” So I totally just whip my paper shirt open to give him a good look at the girls and their accompanying acne. Now I am not an exhibitionist or anything, but seriously ask any woman who has ever birthed a child and they will tell you that when it comes to medical personnel we have no more modesty. There is something about squeezing a human being out of your vagina while half of the hospital watches that breaks you threw that wall. Of course the nine months leading up to that event slowly desensitize you what with so many fingers going up your girly parts and if you’re lucky enough the fantastic dildo cam ultrasound they use early in your pregnancy, I got that one twice.  Of course first time moms still worry about how they will act and how they will feel being so exposed to the world as you push that kid out and most importantly, will you poop? And then you go into labor and you don’t give a fuck about any of that. Did I poop when pushing out a baby, I don’t know and I don’t care and neither did anyone else in the room. So I just started giving the derm a blow by blow of all my boobne, even lifting up one boob to show him underneath. And then I looked up because the doctor was saying nothing and I saw that he was kind of just standing there with this freaked out look on his face like, “some woman just flashed me!” Except that he’s a doctor and he is supposed to be looking at my boobne, not standing there like some 14 year old who somehow got some girl to go with him behind a shed and show his some goodies. I mean he’s a doctor for fuck’s sake!  So I give him this look like, dude get it together and he tiptoes over and sort of pokes at my boob before mumbling something about some antibiotics and medicated body wash and then ran away. All of this and he never looked me in the eye again. This does not exactly give me confidence in his dermatology ability. I mean I would like to think that it was my beautiful girls that rendered the doctor speechless, I mean they are big and lovely as the husband tells me, but really he usually says that when he wants some. But seriously I do have a nice rack, but I would hope that my doctor could get over that and you know do some doctoring.  Needless to say I am not too happy about going back this week, and of course it probably does not help my mood that I will 34 on Wednesday, I mean 28, I will turn 28, again. I will let you know how it goes.



  1. Dermatologists probably rarely get a look at any of the “good” parts. Skin rashes are usually on the hands, legs, belly, face, back – not on the boobs. That’s probably about the first pair he’s ever seen in his office!

  2. Good point, but hopefully it was not the first time he has ever seen boobs.

  3. That was very funny.

    I got a similar thing happen to me when the cutest assistant in the chemist had to help me with breast pads and lanolin cream. He went all red and flustered, which I totally did not see coming.

  4. OMG, that is the funniest thing. Of course I woulnd’t think so if it happened to me 😉

    I sure hope it wasn’t his first time seeing boobs, but man, maybe he is a boob man and can’t be detached when he sees boobs.

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