Posted by: mountainmomma18 | August 11, 2009

I so need a Troll/ or Stuff that makes you laugh at 3:30 am

So last night we had an enormous thunderstorm, and while usually this does not bother the bug, last night the thunder sounded like it was right outside the door, the house literally shook. Anyway the only thing that would comfort her was sitting in her room and rocking. I tried bringing her back into our bed, which the husband usually vetoes, he does not want to start that bad habit, but even that was not helping. So this is a list of things guaranteed to cause controversy on any mommy blog, that I came up with while rocking a cranky and sleeping toddler. The husband by the way thinks this is hysterical especially coming from me as I tend to be of the “whatever floats your boat” school of thought (blame my hippy parents). 1. You must schedule your C-section early or you must give birth under a full moon biting on a stick. 2. You must breastfeed until the age of 5, formula is poison or breast feeders are freaky crunchy granola people and you need a bottle. 3. If a pacifier comes within a foot of your baby you have ruined them for life or keep a paci in your child’s mouth at all times to keep them from making any noise. 4. To show that you really love your child you must co-sleep or do cry it out precisely at three weeks so that your child will learn. 5. If you do not quit your job immediately and have projects with your child all day they will grow up to be a serial killer or if you have to stay home with your kid all day you will become a serial killer. 6. TV will rot your child’s brain and they will only ever get into community college or What? I cannot hear what you just said over yo gabba gabba. 7. You must make your own baby food with organic vegetables that you grow in your garden or your child will be featured on TLC in one of those episodes about someone who weighs a ton or Gerber pasta pickups work just fine and you’re helping the economy.

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Responses

  1. Fuck! I knew I was doing everything wrong!

  2. Exactly a, your well thought out, rhetorically effective and credible posts are not going to attract any trolls, you need some crazy over generalized, knee jerk reactionary stuff to really get them 🙂


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