Posted by: mountainmomma18 | September 4, 2009

Dear idiot man with the tiny car and obviously a tiny penis,

You sir, are a douche, which may be an insult to Sean Penn since I consider him the king of douches, but I really have no other word to describe you. I saw you in my rearview mirror, swerving between lanes as you tried desperately to get just one car length ahead before we came to the next stop light. Obviously your time is much more important than anyone else’s. I get it, really I do, you think that you are awesomely important, with your Bluetooth and Oakley’s you are so cool, or at least you think you are. I called you a douche from the inside of my car and did my best not to push you off of the side of the road with my Jeep because, well my daughter was in the car and I really, really like my Jeep and did not want dings from the little push it would take to send your stupid tiny car careening of the side of the road. You see Mr. Douche, I was trying my best, and then you cut me off, coming inches from my front bumper. Now I already said I had my kid in the car right? Also I love my Jeep, I mean I really love my Jeep. There are few things in this world I love more than my Jeep. My kid, my husband and you know other people, but that’s about it. So when you almost hit me I flipped you off. I was well within my rights, the rules on rude gestures while driving are very clear, cutting someone off= getting the bird (do the kids still call it that?) so you really should not have been surprised. But I found you flipping me back off and yelling at me with dramatic hand gestures very funny, mostly because someone like you probably gets flipped off a lot. Your ire I can only assume was directed at my audacity for being angry, as you are again obviously much more important than the soccer mom you assumed me to be. This explains why you felt the need to slow down and follow me as I changed lanes to turn into Target. I was not quite sure what you had planned as you followed me into Target’s parking lot, I was laughing and still calling you a douche as I wondered aloud what you think you would say to me as I got out of the car, and if we had enough money in the bank for bail money once I pulled you out of your car through the window and kicked your ass. I am sure that you were lured into a false sense of security by my Tinkerbell Walt Disney World magnet on the back of my car, but I am traveling in disguise cause I am no shrinking violet, just ask a certain skycab in Columbus. But then I saw something that boded even worse for you, my husband had quit laughing. In fact he looked rather annoyed, almost pissed off. This is not good for you, my husband is the nice one, the laid back never get mad one, so if you’ve pissed him off there is bound to be trouble. But it seems like you understood that discretion is the better part of valor, or rather you are a pussy as well as being a douche, because as I pulled into a parking spot and you pulled behind me, rolling down your window I am sure to let me have it, you took one look at the husband as he got out of the car and ran the fuck away. This is probably the smartest thing you have done in awhile. You see my husband is a big guy, a very big guy. He stands about 6 feet 4 inches and is built like a linebacker. If you do not know my husband he may seem a little scary, but within five minutes you will know that he is a teddy bear. The truth is that I am the scary one, but alas I did not get to let you see that douche bag, since you took one look at my very big man and ran away. I hope this teaches you a lesson, but I doubt it will, so instead I hope that the next woman you follow into Target is even more of a bitch than me and teaches you a very well deserved lesson. Love and kisses, Mountain Momma

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Responses

  1. Yep. Some people are complete idiots on the road, endangering the rest of us. But be careful…my sister flipped someone off once (she was running and a car cut in front of her a little too closely) and he circled the block and pulled a gun on her.

  2. This is the.best.story.ever.

    Something similar happened to me, but I had no one in the car. It was scary as hell. I guess even HAVING The Daver wouldn’t have been helpful. He’s hardly a big guy.

  3. Great story. I was told by my husband to stop giving people the finger in the car. He was worried I would get beaten up or something.

  4. I don’t give people the finger, but I do glare at them. My husband (who is not a big guy) is the one who almost gets into physical altercations with people. I just laugh at them and speed away!


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