Posted by: mountainmomma18 | October 25, 2009

And this is why I hate to fly and the funniest airport story ever

Dude have you seen this story and then this sorta mea culpa after this video came up? Also check out all the comments of people screaming from one side or another, I swear you will waste like at least an hour reading this stuff, or maybe you actually clean your house when you’re supposed to and do not look for other things to do like me. If that is you, bite me, go dust something and leave the rest of us slackers alone.

So of course because my life is so very boring and I have no funny stories to share with you, I would like to add my two cents. Now obviously this woman exaggerated her story for dramatic effect, hey if cable news can do it, why not her. But also, that TSA video that is supposed to prove this woman an out and out liar, obviously edited. What? Our government would never do something to make themselves look better in the face of bad press? Yeah, let me ask you a question, who killed JFK? So at the end of the day I don’t really trust either party, but I do think we need to constantly evaluate TSA performance, not because I say so but because a bunch of other people whose job it is to test this stuff says so, because while you better not put some water in a sippy cup, or accidentally leave a trial size vial of Clinique lip gloss in your purse (ok this one is me, I am obviously a horrible person) – real weapons are actually still getting through. I have no beef with TSA agents, I have flown a lot and have flown with the bug and never had an issue, but lots of other people have. And while it does not seem like the TSA agents actually took the woman’s child out of her sight, I do not think that would be unbelievable, even if they TSA has guidelines that children are never separated from parents, which is a very good rule cause if someone I did not know, TSA agent or not, tried to take my child somewhere else someone better call that cops, because I would get physical if need be. Also, what the hell is up with the plastic box? Nice way to treat people, you know paying customers. I don’t care what anyone says that is bullshit, and also not secure, she was left alone long enough to get rid of anything that may have been dangerous, so do not give me the security excuse. Again, I would be gone because I am not getting in that box, sorry. One of the reasons I hate to fly is because of the security check, and while I understand we have to have some security what we need is security that actually works and does not demean and humiliate people who are just trying to travel. I get anxious and flustered because I am afraid of stepping the wrong way and getting a strip search and while I have never had any problems I have seen some unjustifiable racist profiling going on in the airport. I think it will change and soon, people do not like being treated like criminals when they haven’t done anything and you know that whole people who sacrifice liberty for security will lose both or something like that. But I know you came here for a funny story.

 The best story I have ever heard actually comes from my husband, and while not rage inducing is absolutely hysterical.

First of all the husband is always, and I mean always being pulled aside for secondary screening. The best I can tell is because of his size, because otherwise he is so wholesome looking he could be in a J. Crew ad. But he is a big guy, 6’4 and built like a linebacker. But that’s ok, it never takes long and we’re used to it now. And when I mean it never takes long I mean he has never been put in a plastic box and waited 10 minutes. Anyway, add to this the fact that the husband has a titanium plate in his ankle; it is actually holding his ankle together, so you know, it’s important. Now sometimes this sets off the airport metal detector, he explains the situation, they wand his ankle, see the monster scar and we are on our way, but this one time, oh baby. Let me set the scene for you, the husband sets off the metal detector:

The husband: I do have a titanium plate holding my ankle together.

TSA: Step back through sir. (the husband beeps again) Sir do you have any metal in your pockets?

TH: No, I do have a titanium plate holding my ankle together.

TSA: Step back through sir. (the husband beeps, again). Sir, are you sure you do not have any metal on you?

TH: (with a confused look) No, but I have a titanium plate holding my ankle together.

TSA: Please come over here sir.

At this point the TSA guy starts wanding my husband. He gets all the way down to his ankle where, you guessed it, the wand started beeping.

TSA: Sir, do you have something on your ankle?

TH: I have a titanium plate in my ankle (this is the first inkling that the husband is getting a bit frustrated, mostly because he is a better person than me, cause I would have been annoyed much sooner but also because I was standing nearby laughing my ass off.)

TSA: Could you lift up your pant leg? (husband does so where it is obvious that he has had surgery due to the very large scar) Sir do you have some sort of metal in your ankle?

Now imagine if you will gigantic peals of laughter and a thump as I fall on the ground to laugh some more.

TH: Yes, I have a titanium plate holding my ankle together.

TSA: Well, can you take it out?

TH: (and this is why I love him) Not without a scalpel and a screwdriver.

Eventually Stephan Hawking’s cousin calls over a supervisor who in about 3 minutes clears the husband, although it takes a bit longer to pick me up off the floor.

And that is the best airport story ever.

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Responses

  1. I always get additional screening…once I had a barrette in my makeup case, and they couldn’t tell what it was. I get the random explosive swabbing – although on the last trip, my husband got that one. It’s always entertaining at the security screening.

  2. That is too funny. You’d think they’d put people with an IQ in charge of airport security.

  3. I’m pretty sure I’m on some list for some reason because I am ALWAYS taken aside for extra screening. It gets pretty old.

  4. Left you an award on my blog…

  5. Stephen Hawking’s cousin. Right. Oh boy….

    I really hate flying and everything, and security doesn’t make it better.


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