Posted by: mountainmomma18 | February 5, 2010

War is hell

Yes it is the war of the paci, that little piece of plastic that makes the bug happy when she is cranky and mommy happy because she will not be cranky anymore. Mostly she just uses it to sleep and when she is about ready to go to sleep and wants to sit on your lap and watch Sprout (and that ugly star thing on in the evenings) and cuddle with her blanky.  And yes there have been times when the bug should be sleep and decides instead to throw everything in her crib out of her crib and then when she is actually tired yell out “paci!” because she just realized she is screwed and would like one of us to come make it better, usually me which is why she yells “mama paci” more often than not. But that little piece of plastic seems to be the sticking point for so many of her grandmas’ comments. And yes grandmas, both of our mothers have starting making little comments about the presence of the pacifier. And it is annoying, more than annoying it is the passive aggressive war of the century.

Listen I am used to listening to the comments from my own mother- the Irish mommy is fantastic at the passive aggressive stuff. My mother always has a comment about my life, or hair, or job, or furniture. And at the same time the little brother is spared because that is what happens when you are the youngest I guess, even if there are only two of you. I never really understood the constant critique. I would not go so far as to say I have been a mothers dream, but I have always been a good kid. I got good grades, never got into trouble,  didn’t break curfew, didn’t drink or do drugs and only liked boys as far as they didn’t interfere with the rest of my life and activities. I didn’t get married until I was 28, to a man my mother adores and who is Catholic. I didn’t make her a young grandma, and for god’s sake I’m a frickin’ doctor! But such is my life and one of the reasons I live over 500 miles away. I can handle her it’s really well from this distance. But as every mother knows once you have your own kid your mother is full of active advice and critique, even if they are working from information that is 20 years old.

And this is where we are with the paci. Does she need it? Shouldn’t we take it away? Yes the bug turns two in a few weeks and yes after that birthday we will probably start the weening of it, but honestly unless she wants to take it to kindergarten with her I am in no hurry.  I mean she’s two, not five and if she still has the thing then we will revisit the issue, but I so do not want to hear about it any more. It has gotten to the point where my mother in law is in on it to, of course neither of them will come right out and say she should not have the paci, they would just prefer to make comments about it, like all of the time. I have taken to editing what pictures I send them or post on facebook (and on a related note why in the world did I teach my mom about facebook? And shouldn’t there be a law or something about your mom friending you?) because if she has the paci in the picture I will not hear the end of it. I bite my tongue of course because, well, because who wants a phone call from the mothers asking why we are being so cranky, can’t we take a joke? No thank you.

My dad made a comment about the bug’s paci once, he wondered if it would hurt her teeth. I explained to him that his knowledge of paci’s is about 30 years old and now they are not considered the evil contraptions they once were. And you know what? He said, “oh, ok,” and has never brought the subject up again. And that is why he will go to a nice home and my mom is going to one of those bad ones where they beat you and steal your clothes. Or she will end up living with me and critiquing the way I change her bed pan. One or the other I am sure.



  1. Anti-pacifier here – because my sister is a dentist, and my daughter never was interested in them. But I do not condemn anyone else for using them.

    Mothers do love to disapprove of everyone else’s parenting. I guess that’s why every woman should have a sister – so that your mother has someone to complain to and will not bother you with criticisms. I get to hear what my two sisters are doing wrong with respect to their children, but she doesn’t say much about what I do. To me. I’m sure my sisters hear all about it though!

  2. I just fell out laughing at that last paragraph! I felt the same way when my son used his pacifier after age 2 & I started getting comments from others. I too edited pictures. When they’re ready, they’re ready. All you can do is try your best & ignore the rest.

    BTW – Sprout annoys the life out of me too. Ugh.

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