Posted by: mountainmomma18 | February 27, 2010

I totally Photoshopped my kid once….

So often when I am bored- like when my kid is napping and I am avoiding housework, or when I am being a super bad employee (which really means it’s office hours and I have nothing to grade), I like to check out a few blogs that are, for lack of a better word, trainwrecks. I mean I do not have to tell you that there are some nutjobs out there, I am pretty sure even my grandma who calls my phone a blueberry (when it’s an iphone) understands that there are people who are probably not completely mentally balanced online. Anyhow, on some of these sites are the occasional scandals, which I find endlessly amusing mostly because blogs are a pretty niche thing, and even then you are talking about a pretty small population. It’s not like everyone knows who the famous mommy bloggers are, probably because they are vacuuming- so really the deserve to be left out of the loop. These places are filled with some of the most wonderfully ironic arguments, of which my favorites are: a) if you don’t like what I write on my blog completely bashing and overanalyzing and obsessing over another blog which no one is in fact forcing me to read, you can leave, no one is making you read this; and b) how dare these professional bloggers (i.e people who make their living from their blog) spend so much time blogging when they should be spending time with their children and I am going spend all of my time reading that blog and then blogging about that here and commenting incessantly while my children….. Seriously if these people could teach Alanis Morrisette a thing or two about irony, but of course she made millions with a song about irony in which none of the situations actually fit the definition or ironic so I guess that she probably wins that one.

So anyway I am a little late to the game, because remember I neglect the vacuum not the child and you know that pesky job thing but I did spend a good portion of the other night waiting for figure skating to start and laughing my ass off over a conversation from a few weeks ago- is it in fact ok for someone to Photoshop their children. Seriously, this went on for like days, with like hundreds of comments, in various places.

And then I was all “dude I have totally Photoshoped my kid,” which I am sure means that I do not love her and I better start saving for her therapy bills now. But let me explain myself before you leave comments about my ill advised playdate with some computer software. You see while you do not see a lot of pictures here, photography is actually a hobby I picked up a couple of years ago. I am not great or anything but I think I am getting better (see that picture in my header? I took it. It’s my daughter playing in the quad on campus on a bright and sunny day in May after the end of the semester). My husband bought me an expensive DSLR and I find it to be a great stress reliever- but don’t worry I am not hanging out a shingle, I have a job already (see above). Anyway last year, right about this time actually, the bug and I were hanging at home coloring outside of the lines (both of us, I do not have good hand-eye coordination) when all of the sudden we lost power. Actually half the city lost power because of some heavy snow the night before. Lights we could do without, but after an hour it started to get cold in the house, so I started piling the clothes on my poor daughter. At the time I grabbed whatever was handy and around with no care at all for matching and colors and stuff. Soon she was wearing a onsie and socks under some fleece footie pajamas, topped off with a zip up hoodie and a fabulous pink hat. She looked ridiculous, or awesome, I guess that would depend probably on age because now that the bug wants to pick out her own clothes we often end up with some creations very much like this. Anyway, I was so tickled that I had to get some shots of the fabulous outfit, you know in case baby gap called or something. I got some great pictures, but the bug was just getting over a cold, and a few of the images showed off not only her big gorgeous eyes but also some snot dripping from her nose. Oh well, not a big deal, until I decide that one the pictures were so cute that I must use it as my computer desktop. This is when you discover that no matter how cute your child is, opening your laptop and being greeted with snot is gross. So I went into Photoshop and cleaned out the snot, and was left with an adorable picture.

And now I know that I am so going to pay for that later. I guess I suck, but at least after I took the picture I noticed the snot and made her blow her nose. I say I get at least partial points for that one.

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Responses

  1. I have totally photoshopped snot off of my daughter’s pictures!

  2. And you, my darling, are hilarious and brilliant. Loved every minute I spent reading this post. And I’m not a gusher. Stop it, I’m not.


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