Posted by: mountainmomma18 | March 14, 2010

We are totally awesome parents

So today the husband and I taught the bug to yell out “brains” and pretend nom on our heads. Yep, and now she will have to be homeschooled. It is really my fault because you see I love Zombies. Like really love zombies- and you can now quit judging me. I don’t know why- probably for the same reason I would rather jab a pen into my eye than watch some romantic comedy. But if there is a movie about zombies I will watch it- once I even watch some horrible monstrosity about clown zombies. I have read all the zombie books and my favorite is World War Z, which is brilliant on multiple levels- dude it is a fictional novel structured as creative non-fiction, I mean how post modern is that?

Anyway, one of the bug’s favorite things to do is take all of the books off of the bookcases and make stacks of them. She does not really care to look at them unless they have pictures, but hey she’s 2 and I know adults who won’t read books without pictures. Oh a separate note why do I know people like this? So yesterday she started carrying around Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (another awesome, awesome book) and so my husband is like “oh no zombies!!!” which the bug found endlessly amusing. So of course we kept going with the “zombies eat brains” and “it’s a zombie baby” and finally “yummy brains” as we took turns nomming her head. The bug picked up on it really quickly and now will randomly yell “brains!” and nom on someone’s head, or the dog’s head, or the cat’s heads, or her baby doll’s head…you get the picture.

At first it was funny, hahaha baby zombie- but then it started to creep me out a little, I mean what if there were baby zombies- that would be like the worst kind of zombie. Because, really, think about it, how do you fight a baby zombie? You would probably be all “but it’s a baby, I can’t kill a baby, even if it is a zombie” and then the baby zombie would attack you and because they are babies they are really quick and slippery (because for some reason my kid is always slippery) and also they are super flexible and can wiggle out of your grasp by throwing their head back and arching their back and because you do not want to drop a baby, even if it is a baby zombie you would probably let go and then they would have access to your brains because you left them unprotected. But eventually you would probably win because baby zombies may be slippery but are small and weak, but once you have the upper hand what do you do? I mean really you should kill a baby zombie, because duh it is a zombie and you would be saving yourself and probably the next unsuspecting person to stumble across the zombie and really you need all the humans you can find because you can trip them when running from zombies and you can get away. But it’s like a baby, and do you really want that on your conscious when you are running from zombies and rebuilding society? Probably not, so maybe you can lock them somewhere or drop them down a well or something, that would probably work.

Where was I? Of yeah, so I can now never send my kid to preschool.

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Responses

  1. Our 3 year old enjoys watching us play Halo 3 on Xbox…filled with zombie-like creatures. I am an excellent influence. And she’s already in preschool.

  2. Baby zombies, awesome! I guess a zombie has to start somewhere. Why not as a baby? Way to keep people guessing.

    If you love zombies, you should check out Mrs. Bear:
    http://outnumberedtwotoone.wordpress.com/

  3. Ok, you? I am going to blame you if I have nightmares tonight. I am terrified of zombies. Are you laughing? Bite me.

    But this post if really kind of hilarious nevertheless 🙂

    • Dude- sorry about that but you should really get over it because you have to be prepared for the baby zombies- seriously.


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