Posted by: mountainmomma18 | April 7, 2010

I know it’s cheesy but it’s important

When I was in the fourth grade all of us girls were taken aside by one of the nuns (yes I went to Catholic school which is a whole other story I will discuss one day, but not now) to discuss how some of the girls were being very mean to another girl. No names were mentioned of course, but we were lectured about good Christian behavior which did not include name calling or exclusion. Not being part of the “popular” cliché mostly because I would rather read a book than discuss TV, something my mom limited anyway, I had never been mean to this poor girl, but I had seen other people do it and had done nothing and now I felt bad. It is not a surprise that even as a child I felt bad about something I didn’t even do, I have always had an emotional streak- I feel things too deeply I think- but my dad has always said that is one of my best qualities- so I guess I come by it naturally. I also grew up with hippies for parents, so I was raised to believe that injustice was something we had to fight- because it was our job as humans. Yeah, I’m lucky my name is not Rainbow or something. Anyway when I told my mom what happened and how I felt she suggested that we invite the picked on girl over to play.

I have to admit that I was leery, I mean all of the other girls teased her and I would rather stand outside mean girl culture- I never had a sister- I didn’t do girl world very well. I was also not sure that this girl and I would get along, she never fought back when the other girls were mean- that was something I didn’t understand. This is probably why I was never the object of teasing- I mean on paper I was a perfect target- geeky, nose always in a book- but I was also athletic  and played sports and had a very smart mouth, and a backbone, so I was usually left alone with my books, which is what I wanted to begin with. But my mom reiterated again and again how important it was to invite this girl over, to do the right thing because it was the right thing. That was a lesson that always stuck with me, not only because my mom told me this once, but because she told me again and again- and she lived by that. My mom, she didn’t just talk the talk- she did and still does walk the walk. For her you do what’s right, even if it’s night easy. It’s her I thought of when I first read about the cruel joke that some soulless people pulled in Mississippi. Once I picked my jaw up off the floor my first thought was about the parents who masterminded this bullshit. What the fuck were they thinking?

I guess this really speaks to the responsibility I feel about making sure my kid is a good kid, that she says please and thank you, that she knows to be nice always, until the rare times comes when it’s time to not be nice. I want her to always do the right thing, even when that causes you some personal pain. Which brings me to the question what the fuck were these parents thinking? That is ok to teach your kid to be liars and evil fucking people? That’s it’s ok to discriminate against someone because they aren’t like you? Because they are different in ways that will never really affect your life at all? This is the model that you want to be for your children? Is this how you want your children to live? To hate someone for no fucking reason? This struck me so much because I know exactly what my mom would have done in this situation, and now what I would do with my child. Namely that you do what is right, no matter how much you think that your prom may be ruined, because doing the right thing is not always easy, but it’s important. And that is what I will teach my daughter, I hope that I can do it half as well as my mom did.

And if you could not tell already, I am a gay ally and I am damn proud of it.



  1. That was a horrible stunt. I can’t believe adults would think that was a good idea. Like you, I hope to teach my daughter to do what is right, not what is easy or convenient. I just hope she never encounters people like those fools in Mississippi.

  2. Wonderful blog. Now, I’ll make sure not to set foot on Mississippi.

    Seriously, it’s a good thing I live in the Philippines. We’re very tolerant about everything and I rarely hear cases of gay/same sex discrimination.

  3. Some people just aren’t fit to be parents.

    This was a nice tribute to yours.

    I agree with you. We have to teach our children to do the right thing, whatever that may be.

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