So I went on a beer run this afternoon because my husband said that drinking wine while watching hockey was un-American and did I want the terrorists to win and I was wearing my Chicago Blackhawks tee-shirt because it’s like 150 degrees out and my jersey is super hot when some douche at the grocery store rolls his eyes at me and says “What- are you from Chicago or something?” My “yep I am” seemed to shut him the hell up, and I pretty much ignored him after that because you shouldn’t feed the douche even if they try to make small talk while they wait behind you at the cashier.
I so wasn’t trying to be the a bitch – although often I don’t have to try- but I could tell this was one of those “you can’t know anything about sports because you don’t have a penis” type of guys and honestly I just don’t have time to waste on people like that. All of my life I have always been someone you would call “a guy’s girl”- maybe it’s because I don’t have any sisters- just a brother- but I have always found a good majority of women annoying, have more guy friends than girls friends and argue the designated hitter with anyone who wants to try to convince me it’s a good thing.
Don’t get me wrong- I am a girly girl too. I like shopping and clothes and Grey’s Anatomy (quit judging me) but I also love drinking a cold beer at Wrigley field and once told a very large Detroit fan to go fuck himself in the stands of Soldier Field. I just never got into the whole girl bonding that required drawing hearts on your spiral notebook and playing games with boys and being popular by being mean. Honestly the whole thing just bored me to tears- mostly because I was never very good at it. I am a horrible liar and could never figure out the complicated and convoluted rules of being a girl’s girl.
Of course being a guy’s girl is not always easy- boys tended to always thing of me as a friend, and many objects of my adolescent crushes were scared away by a girl who always said what she meant and never pretended to be dumb. And there have been girls who have questioned my ulterior motives for hanging out with the guys. This actually caused me to quit my sorority on college (not that I needed much of a reason- I was never good with all those girls all up in my business). I had a guy friend who I introduced to a girl I knew who I thought he would like. I was right and they started dating, but the next year this girl went to Italy to study for a few months. I never really thought much about continuing to hang out with my guy friend until some whispers got back to me- what was I doing? Was I being all slutty and stabbing a friend in the back? There was much speculations about “my intentions” which were never as dramatic as the rumors. We liked the same books and music and dollar bottles nights at the campus bar- and we were so not attracted to each other- so we were friends. Eventually my sorority sister came back from Italy and we went to lunch and she was all “I hope those bitches didn’t upset you” because she understood and was cool as hell.
But the damage had been done and two years was too long to be sisters with anyone and so I gave away all my letter sweatshirts and the best part was that I was still friends with the girls I liked- and I didn’t have to hang out with the ones I didn’t like. It was a win/win for everyone. And I was completely happy with my life and the decided lack of female companionship until I became a mom- and only a few of my girlfriends had reached that spot yet. Then I was pretty much screwed- but I went online and found some like-minded women and I had a community. But now I am starting to wonder how this whole “a lot of women annoy me” thing is going to affect the bug. I can see it happening already- I don’t fit in with the moms at Kindermusic or Library story time. I am just not a suburban soccermom (do people even use that term anymore?). My politics are just a little too radical- my parenting philosophy just a little too laid back and I totally lack the machinations of momdom that so resemble the social hierarchy of high school. If it just effected me I wouldn’t care- I have friends, I don’t need to be someone else to fit in with women I don’t like and wouldn’t pick for friends anyway. But I am beginning to question how this will effect the bug- will she miss out because her mom isn’t in the “cool mom” group? And how much do I want to care about this because I so want the big to understand that being yourself is much more important than being someone else just to fit in. But I have also found that being a mom is way more complicated than what you want to teach your kid because you find yourself willing to do anything to keep any kind of pain far, far away from your kid. Or maybe there is a compromise somewhere- and I should just be careful of when I roll my eyes.